The Doctrine of Marriage part 1 - Wives — Contend for the Faith

By Michael Pearl

Scripture: Topics: Contend for the Faith

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Contend for the Faith

The Doctrine of Marriage part 1 - Wives

Okay. I am Nathan Pearl and you're at The Door. Tonight we're going to be talking about The Doctrine of Marriage, part one. But this is not a standalone teaching.


Last week I got started by teaching what is the faith and why it's necessary for those of us that handle the word of God, the entirety of the faith. We don't have the right to change it, to take away from it, to add to it or to shy away from teaching parts of it.

The way we described the faith last week as that, there is a body of truth, the foundation of which is Jesus Christ. And he gave us this belief system, this body of evidence, and he founded it on himself on the idea that he was the son of God. And then he gave it to the apostles and they expounded and continued to teach on it and gave the saints the faith.

So much like you might say, if I ask you what is your faith, if you were an Islamist, you would say, "I'm a Muslim." If you were a Mormon, you'd say my faith is the Mormon faith. Or if you ask me, and I said, "Well, I'm a follower of Jesus Christ, a blood bought saint or a Christian", that is my faith. So, as we expounded on that idea, I described it like this.

The Carousel in the Mire

The faith is founded on Jesus Christ. So if you think of the faith as a carousel, in the midst of the Mire, there's this beautiful golden shiny carousel. And on the side of the carousel is written the Lamb of God. It's written the Rock of Offense. It's written Jesus Christ. And that is the foundation of our faith.

And then around the edge of the carousel, the posts around the edge are the rules and boundaries that we have laid out in scripture for the faith. The scripture says that we're to be steadfast in the faith. So we get in the middle of that faith and we stay there.

Christians slide to the edge

Too often Christians slide to the edge of that foundation and they reach between the pillars and they try to reach back into the world without leaving the faith. We try to play with the things that are outside and try to ignore as much as we can.

Too often today, Christians are trying to remove the pillars of the faith, the teachings that the apostles gave us, remove them, change them or otherwise get rid of them, because they're uncomfortable. Because a lot of times they clash with our culture. We don't like them too much. So, we're just going to set that one aside.

Christians remove pillars of the faith

You see, the faith says that fornication is sin. The faith says that there should not be anybody that's a saint named to be fornicating. And yet we want to live in sin and then bring our girlfriend to church. I've seen this many times. Not in this particular church, but I've been to churches where a man will show up with his girlfriend that he lives with. And then later in the week he shows up with his other girlfriend and he's comfortable doing that and he shouldn't be.

You should be uncomfortable doing that, because the faith dictates that we don't act that way.

“As Long as you really Believe it”

Now, another example would be, if I said, "Well, the way that you get inducted into this faith is, is you go out in the woods by yourself and you climb an oak tree." Not a red oak, a white oak tree. You get to the top of the white oak tree. You look down and you survey everything that God has made. You close your eyes, let go with your hands and hang on with your knees and ask God to save you. That's how you get saved. And as long as you really believe whatever it is you believe, it's fine. No it's not. You see, the faith says that there's one way to get to heaven. That's through Jesus Christ. And if I'm using an oak tree to get there, then I'm not going to get born again, because the faith says there's one way and that's through Jesus Christ.

The Doctrine of Marriage

Now, the faith teaches us a lot of things in the scripture. And one of those things is marriage. So what I want to do tonight is, I want to teach the doctrine of marriage without teaching application. Now, I've taught application before. How to have a good Christian marriage and enjoy it the way my wife and I enjoy our marriage.

My mom has a book teaching the application of the Christian marriage. The Bible says, let the older women teach the younger women, and she's done that. She wrote a book to teach the younger women. I am not an older woman and I am not going to attempt to do that, but I am going to rightly divide the word of truth and teach the doctrine of marriage.

“You do it Nathan”

Two months ago I was preparing to pour concrete. I was listening to the word of God and I said, "Somebody ought to teach the faith as it stands with the Christian life and they ought to teach it with authority and power and not shy away and make excuses for the word of God." And the Holy Spirit said, "I nominate you."

And I said, "I don't want to do that. I'm not that kind of a guy. I like teaching about just Jesus and encouraging things", but it kept bothering me. So, be careful about listening to the Bible while you're working.

So now I am going to teach marriage, the doctrine of marriage as it's laid out in the scripture.

Following Jesus

  • Jesus is not asking to join you, he's asking you to join him.
  • Following Jesus is not a thing you do, it is who you are as a Christian
  • It is not a doctrine, an understanding, or a way of life; it is life

Join Jesus

Now following Jesus. The interesting thing about following Jesus is that, Jesus is not asking to join you, he's asking you to join him. When Jesus came to the disciples fishing for the first time, Jesus said, "Peter, drop what you're doing and follow me." He did not say, "Peter, make room. I'm going to get in the boat with you." Do you understand the difference? My friends, when we join the faith of Jesus Christ, we're followers of Jesus Christ. We stop what we are doing and we start following Him and what He's doing.

Follow Jesus

Following Jesus is not just a thing that you do once in a while. It is who you are as a saint, as a Christian. When I say I'm a Christian, it is synonymous with saying, "I am a follower of Jesus Christ. I'm going to follow his tenets, his principles and the principles that he delivered to Holy Man and gave to me. Every one of them." It's not a doctrine, an understanding or a way of life. Following Jesus is life. Jesus said, "I am life." Following Jesus is following that life. It's getting involved in it.

Following Jesus in Relationships

  • Following Jesus is not something that you apply to your relationships. It defines your relationships.
  • It is not that we sing some songs and say some words twice a week that makes us followers of Jesus.
  • It is because we are followers of Jesus that every song that we sing, every act that we do, every word that we speak comes into submission to Jesus Christ into his life. So that our lives become an act of worship and Praise to the LORD

Following Jesus is not something that you apply to your relationships. It defines your relationships. It's not that we sing some songs or say some words a few times a week, so we get to say, "Well, I'm a follower of Jesus." It is because we are followers of Jesus that every song that we sing, every act that we do, every word that we speak comes into submission to Jesus Christ into his life. So that our lives become an act of worship to Jesus. We're going to explore that idea tonight.

The New “Christian Walk

  • There is a new phenomenon taking over the Christian worldview and I hear it espoused with righteous indignation by a plethora of high minded saints.
  • “Don’t judge me, you don’t know me and what’s going on in my life!”
  • “You are being judgmental but that is not my truth!!”

There is a new phenomenon taking over the Christian worldview and I hear it espoused by high minded Christians all over the country. I read it on Facebook, I hear it on the radio. When I talk to people, they tell me about it and I find it disgusting. It grieves my spirit. They'll say, "Don't judge me. You don't know me and you don't know what's going on in my life." Now they're saying this when you simply talk about the word of God. They'll say, "Don't judge me." Or they'll say, "You're being judgemental, but that's not my truth."

“Don’t Judge Me!”

If you quote the scripture and say, fornicators will have their part in the lake of fire. If you quote the scripture and say, The word of God says, "If you're a believer you don't walk that way. If you are a child of the light, you'll walk in the light in the newness of life." "Don't judge me. You don't know me. You don't know my life. You don't know what's going on with me."

Your truth is irrelevant

I have a simple statement. Your truth is irrelevant. It makes no difference. I don't care what your truth is. Furthermore, God does not care what your truth is. If you own a Bible and you choose to follow your truth, instead you are holding the truth of God in unrighteousness. There is coming a time when you will stand before the judgment seat of Christ and you'll be judged for all your ungodly deeds which you have ungodly done. The scripture says. And the day that you're humbled and you're on bended knee before Jesus Christ, giving an account to the all-knowing God. He knows your thoughts, your intents, what's going on in your life, as he looks through you with the flaming eyes that are described in the Book of Revelations, chapter one, and he sees you not just the outward you that you show, but he sees the inward man of your heart and what's going on. The truth by which your actions will be weighed is God's truth. That is the truth. God's truth, it's the only truth.

The truth by which your actions will be weighed is God's truth.

Obedience is not following Jesus only when we agree with him

Obedience is not following Jesus when we agree with him. Obedience is not that we cherry pick the scripture and say, "You know what? I really like this passage that says of those you've given me, I've lost none. I'm going to really hold that one, but that passage bugs me. I'm not going to read that or talk about it or look at it. I'm not going to try to rightly divide the word of truth. Instead, I'm just going to tear pages out of my Bible, because I don't like the way that passage is written."

Obedience is full and complete obedience. Otherwise, it's a mild agreement. Have you ever noticed how easy it is to talk about certain sins and they're innate badness? If you go into Sunday school and you say, "You know what? Drunken assassins are bad." Everybody says Amen. We can all get behind that idea, right? Assassins that drink too much, they're bad.

But if you walk into the same Sunday school class and you say, "You know what? Husbands, we need to take responsibility in our home for the walk of our home. Not just for our own walk." Everybody gets quiet. Everybody shuffles their feet. If you walk into church and you start talking about modesty, if you start talking about adorning ourselves with godly apparel, with... If we start talking about honoring God with our money, with our lives, it gets quiet.

Now, why is that? Why are we happy to talk about a drunken assassin that has nothing to do with us, but we sure don't want to talk about the things that we have skin in the game? See, we often have opinions that are not based in the word of God, but on our subjective experiences and the outcome that we desire to have.

"But I don't agree with that."

Now, how often have I said something and talked to someone and they say, "I don't agree with that." Why not? I'm talking about biblical truth. If I say, "You know what? Wives need to submit to their husbands." I don't agree with that. Why not? Because, I don't think that that's right. Why not? Because I don't... See, you're not going to the word of God, you're going to your subjective opinion. That's a problem. I know it is surprising. I know it's probably you've never realized this, but you are not that objective. When you look at your life, you are subjective. Your opinions are based on what you feel and not the truth. That is why we have an unchanging word of God. That is, the truth by which we measure our lives.

Obey your Parents

Take for instance this passage in Ephesians 6:1 that says, "Children, obey your parents and the Lord."  Now, if you're a parent, you can get behind this verse, right? Yeah. Kids ought to obey their parents. The Bible says it. We're going to go, we're going to tell our kids, "Hey, you're disobeyed, and the Bible says you're to obey." That's cool.

“God directed me to Leave my parents”

So what would you say if a 12 year old boy comes up to you at church and he says, with just a soulful smile, he comes up to you and says, "Sister, pray for me. God has directed me to leave my parents. They've been emotionally abusive to me for years. They come in my room and they're like, clean it up. You stink. Take a shower. It's just my... If you knew what I had to put up with at home. But finally, God has directed me to leave my parents and I am moving on to better things. God wants me to be happy. He's desirous that I'd be happy. He knows the plans he's got for me. He knows his thoughts toward me are good and he wants me to be happy, so I am moving on to better things and I tell you what, God's blessing me. I'm happier than I've been in years."

And what do you say to the guy? Now, I hope you would say, "Goober. You're 12 years old. The Bible says Children obey your parents and the Lord. Go home and clean your room and take a shower, because your parents told you to." You see,

God is not going to ever lead you contrary to his written word

God is not going to ever lead you contrary to his written word. Men, God will never tell you to leave your wife because she's nagging you too much. Wives, God will never tell you to leave your husband because you don't like him.

Do you understand the significance of this? Do you understand how often this is violated? My friends read the book of Corinthians. Paul says to the church, "Guys, you ought to be above board." Read the book of Peter. Paul says to the church, "Church, you ought to walk in such a way that when the world looks at you, they've got nothing on you. The world can't come to you and say, look at what you're doing."

My friends in the church in America today, the divorce rate is passing 50%. That is ungodly. That is wrong. That should not happen in Jesus Christ's body. We should be ashamed of ourselves. We should be ready to stand up and hold the truth of the word of God and say, "You are disobeying God's word. Get it right." We should defend the faith, friends.

“God directed me to Leave my Husband”

On the other hand, if that lady walks in the church instead of that 12 year old boy and she says, "My husband is emotionally distant from me, so God has directed me to leave him because I can't grow anymore inside this marriage. He's not taking leadership, so I've had to do that with the children. I've had to take leadership, spiritual leadership of our home. And I tell you, when I tell the ladies that we're quilting, how awful my husband is, they all agree with me." How about she says, "For the first time in my life or first time in years, I'm so happy. And the reason that I needed to leave my husband, so that I could be happy in the center of God's will."

You know what? I've heard that before. I've heard that conversation.

When I was listening through the word of God and God was convicting me to preach this message, a conversation like this came to my mind and it grieved me that someone was comfortable having that conversation in the house of God. With the saints of God. It's grievous. We need to change it.

Your Opinion over Bible doctrine?

What she feels is not Bible doctrine. It's simply that this lady disagrees with the doctrine that the scripture lays out. See, she has a different opinion. She feels like she has a better understanding of her particular situation than God did when he wrote it. See, times have changed. They didn't even have Chevrolets when this book was written. They didn't have the internet back then. They didn't have Facebook. How could they know? How could they know what needs to be done today? Really, surely the faith has changed. Surely it's different now than it used to be. Everybody's doing it. Everybody's okay with it, but the scripture says not to, so you have to ignore that. You have to step outside the bounds that the scripture gives the perimeter of the faith and you have to be a law unto yourself.

You know what we call this kind of a person? Lost. This is a lost person, because they've not found Jesus.

What is the Problem?

You see, followers of Jesus Christ do something specific. They follow Jesus Christ. The Bible says that, in that day, there's many that are going to stand before the throne and say, "Lord, Lord, look at all I've done on your behalf and for you." And he's going to say, "Depart from me. I don't know you. I've never known you. You've never followed me. I've never been in your life. You've never been interested." The Bible says, "Be careful to enter into that rest. Lest any should follow after the same manner of unbelief." Friends, the problem is not Facebook. The problem is not your husband or your wife. The problem is that we don't believe God.

“I Disagree with God!”

Now, the hubris of saying, I disagree with God seems insane. It seems so striking, that you would come to a position and say, "I hold a position different than the position that's laid out in the word of God. I simply don't agree with what the Bible says."

Now, that is ridiculous. Who would ever do that? But see, it's not that any of us begin by studying the word of God and saying, "You know what? I intellectually disagree, so I'm going to lay out my own dissertation and it's going to be parallel, but not quite the same." What we do is, we say, "You know what? Standing steadfast in the center of the faith is bothersome, because the faith says that I can't live with my girlfriend, so I'm going to just ignore that and we're going to move over." You know what there's a name for it today. It's called a sexual atheist. Somebody that comes to church and says, "I agree with all of that except for the deal about fornication. I don't agree with that and God doesn't have any bearing on that part of my life." It's disgusting that the church has come up with a term to describe so-called Christians that are unwilling to follow God in this aspect of their life.

So what we do is, we say that our actions are going to be better, funner, more exciting, happier, more fulfilled if we ignore the word of God, so we start twisting the word of God until we're comfortable in opposition to the will of God. This should be scary.

What does God want for us?

God's desire for you is good. It really is. The scripture is full of passages talking about, God wants for your life to be fulfilled. Jesus said, "I come that you might have life and have it more abundantly."( John 10:10) My friends, my life is wonderful. I am so deliriously happy in my life. My wife turned 37 today. And I was driving this afternoon and I was thanking God. "God, thank you for sending her 37 years ago before I even knew her and for shaping her and molding her and letting us be together and enjoy life together." My friends, I love life. God has given me an abundant life.

But, God's desire for my life being good is realized, It's actuated in my life in one simple way, Obedience. My obedience to God. You see, the only way that God can have his will in your life is for you to willingly subject yourself to the will of God. God gave you a free will and allows you to choose and people will go out there and say, "I choose to leave my husband, because God wants me to be happy." God wants you to be happy, obedient to your husband. That's what God wants. And you know how you're going to be happy? Obedience to your husband. Husband, you know how you're going to be happy? Loving your wife in spite of whatever she does, not being bitter. Obedience to the one that made you. You cannot find the will of God by stepping outside of the bounds that he gave you in scripture.

Does God want us to Fornicate?

Friends, God has never directed the marriage of a homosexual to another homosexual. God is not involved in that. Friends, God has never directed you to sleep with a woman prior to a public union where everyone understands that the two of you are married. It has not happened. If you've done that, that's called sin. The reason that's called sin is because it is disobedient to the will of God. Friend, you need to repent. You need to repent towards God and come to God and say, "God, I'm going to follow you in my life from now on", and he will establish virtue in your life and he will grow you with faith and with purity and with wholesomeness, and the end result is just absolutely untethered, unfettered joy, because God made you and the way that he made you is good. And the rules that he gave you are good, and the foundation and the base and the walls that he puts around us in this faith are good. Obey them.

The Office of Marriage

Now, the scripture lays out two distinct offices in marriage. He lays out one for the man and one for the woman. That's right. I said man and woman.

God designed marriage for one man and one woman and he designed two offices for him. Both offices are executed the same way with the same goal in mind. Submission and obedience to God. This is how you fulfill God's will in your marriage, is that you submit yourself to God and you're obedient to God and the office that he designed you.

Why are we here?

Now, why are we here? Why do we exist? Why has God created us? This is the most basic, the most foundational, the most simple question that any sentient being can ask. What is the reason for my existence? At home we have a pet vulture. It follows us on a walk. It is the weirdest thing that you've ever seen. We freaked out the UPS driver today. That vulture has never wondered why it lives in a house full of humans and that none of us have feathers, that none of us eat meat off the ground.

It's just deliriously happy. It just runs along and it's like, "You're going for a walk, I'm going for a walk. We're going to fly along behind you." The dogs have never wondered why they eat on the floor and we eat at the table.

If we're an intelligent thinking being, we have to wonder, "Why are we here? What is our purpose? What is the reason for my existence?" The answer to this question will tell you more about your worldview and more about who you are than any other question you can ask.

In the book of Revelation, Jesus gives us the answer. He says, "Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honor and power, for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created."  (Revelation 4:11) The reason that you are here is for the pleasure of Jesus Christ, for the pleasure of God.

The reason that you are here is for the pleasure of God.

Let that soak in for a few minutes. God finds pleasure in your existence. That's good. That's fantastic. When you submit your life to God and you say, "God, I am going to be obedient to my husband, because you ask it of me." He smiles and has pleasure in that.

Husbands, when you submit yourself to God and you again and again and again, turn away from the revilings that your wife brings to you, to the anger, to the frustration, to the yelling, to the cursing, whatever it is, and instead you say to her, I love you and I want to meet your needs, God finds pleasure in that.

Now, that is a Bible based worldview. Friends, if you don't believe the Bible, you will never come to the understanding, that the purpose for your existence is God's pleasure. Instead, you will come to this one unshakable truth that you know in your soul and that is that, you are the center of the universe and the rest of it is just here for you to have a good time. That is a world without God. It's a miserable world. God created you to need him, and if you think you don't, your life is but a shadow of what it could be. With the Bible-based worldview that you are here for God's pleasure, all the advice that you get from somebody who doesn't share that worldview is suspect.

Christian psychology

If you go to a counselor or a psychologist or a preacher, they're out there, or a friend and you say, "This is going on in my life. What do you think I should do?" If they don't answer that question, why are we here with? We're here for the pleasure of God. The advice that they give you is wrong. Almost all the time. Because their foundation is wrong. You can get a very educated, wise, intelligent, long-winded, expensive marriage counselor that does not love God and their advice is going to be wrong at some point. And at what point? I don't know. They might give you good advice for two hours and then three minutes of it is wrong. That three minutes is unacceptable.

That is why this is not a Christian psychology class, that somebody can take and apply to their marriage. The tenets of the scripture are not something you can say, "Well, if I'm closer to that, my marriage will be better."

You apply your life to the word of God, not the other way around.

This is Bible teaching. This is doctrine. You apply your life to the word of God, not the other way around. You say, "God, I stand before you, repentant of me, of my good works, of my life, of my sin, and I'm coming to you and I'm saying, Lord, change me. Mold me, shape me. Make me into a vessel that's fit for your house." And when you say that, you don't get to bring baggage. You don't get to come and say, "I want you to shape me except for my girlfriends that I'm going to bring to church once a week."

I worked with a fella that brought his one girlfriend he was sleeping with on Sunday and the other on Wednesday. We kicked him out of the church on Thursday. First Corinthians chapter five. There ought to be more of that.

The Bible is Radical

This is a radical teaching that will require something so arduous from you, so difficult that the world will say, "You are nuts if you think that you can do that and that it's okay." If you try to apply your life to the teaching of the word of God, your unregenerate friends will say, "Lady, you've lost it." They'll say, "Man, you're going to be miserable doing that."

You see, you have to do something nuts. You have to believe God. Not just believe in God, but you have to believe him, trust him, take him at his word and lay your life in God's hands and say simply, "Yes, Lord. I don't know what the question is. I don't know what you're going to ask from me. I'm going to find it and the word of God and when I do, my answer is yes!” That is a follower of Jesus Christ. That is a saint, a blood ball child of God. That's somebody walking in the newness of life, walking in victory and in purity. That's somebody that God is working on and with and through. It's good. It's not always the good that you want, but it's good.

Faith without works is dead

The book of James says,  James 2:14-16 "What doth it profit, my brethren, though a man say he hath faith and have not works? Can faith save him? If a brother or a sister be naked and destitute of daily food. And one of you say unto them, Depart and peace, be ye warmed, and filled” have a good life. “Notwithstanding you give them not those things which are needful for the body, what doth it profit?"

James 2:17-20Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead being alone. Yea, a man may say, ‘Thou hast faith, and I have works.’ Show me thy faith without thy works and I will show thee my faith by my works."  Do you see how this ties in? If you're a follower of Jesus Christ and you come and you say, I'm a follower of Jesus Christ and he directed me to leave my husband, I say, "No, you are not. You are not following Jesus Christ leaving your husband. You are not following Jesus Christ to leave your wife. You are not following Jesus Christ to open that page of pornography. You are not following Jesus Christ to steal that van. You're not a follower of Jesus Christ, because you're not following him."

Christians mess up

Now, Christians mess up. The Bible says, "Don't sin", and then right afterwards in the Book of John it says, "But if we sin, we have an advocate with the Father."

Friends, Christians mess up. I do. My wife does. Our marriage is not perfect yet. Tomorrow afternoon will be. We're going to finish. It's going to all be... No. We'll never get there. Nobody will. It's always time to grow in the Lord, but following Jesus is not something you take a break from. It's your life.

It says, James 2:19, "Thou believest that there is one God, thou do us well. The devils also believe and tremble. But wilt thou know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead.”  The Bible calls the man that says he's following Jesus, just not in what he does, just because he believes in God, he says you're vain. You're a big bubble of nothing, because your faith is without works.

What is the Goal of a Christian?

The primary goal of a Godly family is not that you live in peace or that you are satisfied and happy, but that you honor God with your life. You see, somehow we have this idea, "Okay, I'm going to be obedient to God in my marriage, so that next week my marriage is going to be better." Now what if we applied that to everything? "I am not going to go to John's house and steal his van, so that I will be wealthy. No, I'm not going to go steal his van because the Bible says, "Thou shall not steal." Not so that I can get wealthy.

What if we said, "Okay. Well, I'm going to dress appropriately, so that when I go out on the street, people everywhere will get saved." No, I'm going to dress appropriately because God told me to. That's where it starts. That's all I need to know.

God has not promised you a perfect marriage

Friends, God has not promised you a perfect marriage. He's not even promised you a good marriage. We come to marriage with problems. We magnify those problems in each other. We struggle, we fight and we get along. God hasn't said, "If you'll do what I tell you to, your life will be warm and filled and happy." There are people tonight in China being beaten and killed for their faith in Jesus Christ. There are people in Burma tonight living in the woods hiding from the generals that are trying to chop their heads off for believing in obeying Jesus Christ.

Obedience to God does not make you happy and successful in your marriage.

Obedience to Christ makes you a follower of Jesus Christ. It makes you obedient.

But you say, "Hold on. Jesus said, I come that you might have life and that they might have it more abundantly. You see, God's desire for you is good, but it might not be the good that you desire. You see, I want to get rich tomorrow by 8:00 AM. It's not going to happen. I'm still going to be poor, but God is still going to be good and he's still going to be working in my life and his desire for me is still good and I'm still going to submit my life to Jesus Christ. Every day. I'm going to make that choice.

Not my will, but thine be done.

 Jesus himself said, "Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass for me. Nevertheless, not my will, but thine be done."

Jesus said to God, "Lord, if you will, if you are willing to let it go, I don't want it, but not my will, your will be done." You can say, "God, I don't want to act this way, but not my will, thine will be done." That's the question.

What is God asking of us in marriage?

So, what is God asking of us in marriage? It's real simple. Here's the doctrine of marriage on one page.

Ephesians 5

  • 22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
  • 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also has loved the church and given himself for it.

If you'll do those two things, you'll be obedient to God in your marriage.

The Offices of Marriage

Now, marriage has two offices. The office of the husband and the office of the Wife. Marriage in its perspective offices, were never an afterthought for God. This did not come about because of the curse. But rather we were created with the blessed union of marriage in mind and its corresponding offices in mind.

Genesis 2:16 It says, "And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, "Of every tree of the garden, thou mayest freely eat. But of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it. For in the day thou eatest thereof, thou shalt surely die. And the LORD God said, it is not good that the man should be alone. I will make an help meet for him.""  The very beginning when man draws his breath, God says, "Man, here's what I want you to do. I want you to do this and not do that and I'm going to make a helper for you to do it."

In the Very beginning, the woman was created to help the man. That is not okay in our culture. Friends, the Bible is chauvinistic. The Bible says, "That the women should be subject to their husbands." That is the very definition of chauvinistic.

I know that this irritates a lot of people and that's okay. That's fine. The Bible says broad is the way that leads to destruction and many there beyond it. Most of you aren't going to like this. Most of you're going to say, "That's disgusting. That ticks me off. I'm staying over here in the street with all the normal people. Those nut jobs are over there on that street in narrow way, that's difficult and arduous and they're obeying the Bible. Why would you do that?" Because we're a follower of Jesus Christ.

The Woman was Created for the Man

It says, 1 Corinthians 11:8-9  “for the man is not of the woman, but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.”  The woman was created for the man The Bible's clear.

The office of marriage is not about Adam and Eve. It's about the man and the woman. Did you read the passage? It says the man and the woman. In other words, that wasn't a specific command just to Adam and just to Eve. It was to the man.

God gave the man orders and left it to the man to give them to the woman. It's not just the Old Testament. I'm sorry. That is people's favorite thing. Well, that's the Old Testament and that explains it away. No, I don't need to search the scripture. I'm just going to call it Old Testament and then I can live however I want and claim the name of Jesus. No, it is consistent throughout the New Testament.

The Head of the Woman is the Man

1 Corinthians 11:3 says, "But I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God."  Now, is the woman less in the eyes of God than the man? Absolutely not. Is Christ less than God? No. He is not. Christ is God. But there is an authority structure laid out where Christ subjected his will to the will of God. Do you follow this?

The woman subjects her will to the will of the man, the man subjects his will to the will of Christ, Christ subjects his will to the will of God. It's not my teaching. If I wrote this, it would not be this way.

My life has not taught me this. My experiences have not taught me this. My wife is a strong, intelligent, fantastic woman. I live in all of all that she is able to do. I would never suggest that I somehow should have preeminence in our marriage aside from this biblical teaching. I would never suggest that. That's not my experience that that's necessary. But it's written in the word of God and I'm a follower of Jesus Christ, that I have no right to deviate from the scripture.

The Husband has rule over the Wife

Genesis 3:16, he says, unto the woman, he said, "I will greatly multiply thy sorrows and thy conception in sorrow, and now shall bring forth children and thy desire shall be to thy husband and he shall rule over thee.”

Wives your husband is to rule over you. That's unkind. Right? That doesn't sound good. That is chauvinistic. I realize that. It's also biblical.

Wives, submit to your husband

Ephesians 5:22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husband as unto the Lord.” Husbands, I want your attention right here for a minute. I want it clearly. Verse 22 says, wives, submit yourselves. That is their responsibility, not yours. You are not to cause your wife, to make your wife, to push your wife to submit to you. It has nothing to do with you. You are not better than her, you are not smarter than her. More than likely, if you're like me. You do not have the right to force her or admonish her submission beyond teaching the word of God. The wife's submission to the husband is something she gives to God, because she loves the Lord. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands.

It's just to their husbands, not to everybody else. Your wife does not submit to me, my wife does not submit to you. My wife should submit to me. Your wife should submit to you.

Ephesians 5:23 “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church and he is the savior of the body.”  Husbands, we're going to deal with this next week.

Why did God Create Marriage?

Let me just say, the offices of marriage are based on their foundation is, the reason that they're there. Is so that we will understand Christ's relationship to us. He's the husband, we're the bride. Now, let me ask you something men. Before you get too tickled, who do you think got the better job here? The church or Christ? Who's got it easier? Who's got it whistling in the park? It's not Christ. It's the church. We have it a lot easier than Christ did. Husbands, next week we're going to deal with you.

Ephesians 5:24 “Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”  Wife, there is not a place in your life, in your marriage, in your talk, in your walk and your drive and what you do, there is no thing in your life that you are not under submission to your husband. That you are not to obey him and to reverence him. I realize that's chauvinistic, it's the word of God.

Be under obedience

1 Corinthians 14:34 “Let your women keep silence in the church, for it is not permitted unto them to speak. But they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law.”  The Bible is really big on authority and being under authority. In America, we have this culture. We all want to be the guy in charge. But the scriptural mandate is that, we do right where we're at. We do the right thing.

Can Women be Preachers?

And it says, 1 Corinthians 14:35 “If they will learn anything, let them ask their husbands at home for it as a shame for a woman to speak in the church.”

Ladies, there is never a time in your life or anyone else's life that God will direct you to preach. That is not going to happen. God is not in it.

You might say, "Well, I got saved listening to a woman preacher. I'm glad. It doesn't matter if a donkey preaches to you or a rock or a tree and you hear Jesus and you believe Jesus, you will be born again." That's wonderful. People get saved in the Catholic church, listening to a priest drone on about nonsense and they get born again. That's wonderful. Wives, women, God will never direct you to preach or to usurp authority in the church. It will not happen, because God will not violate his word. If you do it, you have to violate God's word.

1 Corinthians 14:36 "What? Came the word of God out from you? Or came it unto you only?" If any man think himself to be a prophet, or spiritual...”  See, Paul had problems with this in his time. “Let him acknowledge that the things I write unto you are the commandments of the Lord.”  Let it be written that tonight you heard God command ladies, that you are not to preach in church.

Be Keepers at Home

Titus chapter two, verse three. You see why I didn't really want to preach this message? This is not what I like to preach about. But, I will do it.

Titus 2:3-5 “The aged women, likewise that they be in behavior as become a holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, to be chased, to be keepers at home.”  If you're a follower of Jesus Christ and you're a wife. You have a list right here of things that are expected from you by God. God has commanded, has instructed, has asked the older women to take you by the hand and say, "Young lady, go home. Go home and be a keeper there. Love your husbands. Be discreet and be chased."

Be obedient to your husbands. Ladies, god has commanded you to be obedient to your husbands, not me. Don't get mad at me. I didn't write it. I don't even know if I agree with it. But God has told you to be obedient to your husband. I'm kidding. I agree with it. It's the scripture.

That the word of God be not blasphemed

Titus 2:5 That the word of God be not blasphemed.” Ladies, if you ignore the scriptural teaching, that you are to be a keeper at home, you are blaspheming the word of God. You are ignoring the commandments of God and you are thumbing your nose at following Jesus Christ. It's not ambiguous. Friends, there is more in the scripture about this marriage issue than there is about many things that we belabor in the church. We talk about stuff all the time. That's just not there this much. It's filled in all the books in the old and the New Testament by all the authors. It's all over the place, but we don't want to talk about it.

Servants, be subject to your masters

1 Peter 2:18, it says, "Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear, not only to the good and gentle, but also to the forward."  Peter says to the church, he says, "Guys, if you're a servant, if you're owned by another dude and you work for him", now I don't like that. We don't do that. That's not in our law. But at this time it was. So Peter said, "Guys, if you are there and you are a servant, be obedient to your masters. Not only the good guys but the obnoxious ones. The unworthy ones."

He says, 1 Peter 2:19"For this is thank worthy. If a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully."  You say, "Well, that's a servant, not a wife." Wait till we get to the next chapter. It says likewise. Just the same. Your wives.

So God says, "Look. If you endure grief, because your master is a jerk and you do it for a conscience towards God, not your master." If you say, "Lord, I am your servant and you've asked this of me so I am going to follow you and obey you, and I'm going to love you and I'm going to submit my life to you, even though this jerk doesn't deserve it." That is sweet in the eyes of God.

When you are buffeted take it patiently

He says, 1 Peter 2:20, "For what glory is it, if when you be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently?"  He says, if you go and you're obnoxious and you break the guy's equipment and you steal his money and he buffets you for your faults, he's like, "So what? You deserved it." But if when you do well, you do your job, you do it right, you're a good servant and you take it patiently “but if, when you do well and suffer for it, you take it patiently, this is acceptable with God.”

Servants and wives. If you are buffeted, if you are ill treated for doing well and you take it patiently and say, "Lord, I submit my life to you", then God smiles on you for that. God appreciates that heart in you.

They buffeted Jesus and Jesus accepted it

Here's this word buffeted in Matthew 26:67, and Peter was referencing this when he went through it says, They're talking about Jesus. Matthew 26:67-68 "Then did they spit in his face and buffeted him; and others smote him with their palms of their hand saying, prophesy unto us, thou Christ, who is he that smote thee?"  They buffeted Jesus and Jesus accepted it.

What about a physically abusive Husband?

Now, don't think that I am teaching, that you should be abused and go back. Ladies, the scripture is so clear that we're to submit ourselves to the authority that we have over us, because God has ordained them that we might live peaceably.

Ladies, the law says, the American law says, if your husband smacks you, he goes to jail. Use it. Use it. If your husband is physically abusive to you or your children, he needs to go to prison. You can go there and talk to him when he is in prison. And when he gets out, you can let him know that you've got 911 on speed dial and he's going back to prison if he touches you again that way.

But, the book of Peter teaches that if you are buffeted for your faults, buffeted for doing what's right, and you take it, that this is pleasing to God. For you, not for you to get buffeted but for your attitude towards God.

Let no guile be in your mouth.

1 Peter 2:21-22 He says, "For hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example that you should follow in his steps. Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth."  Ladies, neither was guile found in his mouth. That means, when you are not treated the way that you expect you should be treated.

In other words, if he's emotionally distant from you, there should be no guile in your mouth. You don't talk behind his back, you don't talk to his face. You're not obnoxious and you're not rude. You're gentle, you're kind and you're meek. God left you an example in Jesus Christ. How to act. Husbands, we're going to get to you next week.

Be in Subjection to your Husband

1 Peter 2:23-25 “Who when he was reviled, reviled not again. When he suffered, he threatened not but committed himself to him that judges righteously. Who his own self-built bare our sins in his own body on the tree that we being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness by whose stripes we are healed. For we were as sheep going astray, but we are now returned under the Shepherd and Bishop of our souls."  

1 Peter 3:1 “Likewise,”  the same way, the same as what's above. "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husband, that if any obey not the word, they may also without the word be won by the conversation of the wives."  That's your daily walk.

The Bible says to you, "Ladies, if your husband is a sinner, if he's unregenerate, if he's not born again, if he's a jerk, then your walk before Jesus Christ, your submission to him and your life may win him to the Lord." It may not. But he doesn't have anything to do with your submission. God does. I didn't write it. Okay. Don't blame me.

A Meek and Quiet Spirit

1 Peter 3:2-4 "While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting of the hair and wearing of gold or putting on of apparel. But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God, a great price."

Ladies, when God looks down and he sees your meek and quiet spirit, when you have every reason to be screaming your head off, when you have every reason to throw a plate at the wall and to yell at that dude and tell him to get out of the house, when you have every reason and instead you have a meek and a quiet spirit, God looks at that and says, "That is valuable. Those diamonds in that gold, that's pavement. That gold she's wearing around her neck, that's my pavement. But that meek and quiet spirit, man, that's good. Man, I appreciate that. Hey angels, come over here and look at that lady. Man, she's a godly lady. I appreciate. That's a great price. Ladies, you get to have this honor to God to give him that, to present that to your savior.

Don't worry about the Outcome!

1 Peter 3:5-6 “For after this manner in old time, the holy women also who trusted God adorned themselves, being into subjection unto their own husband. Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters ya are, as long as you do well and are not afraid with any amazement.”

Friends, don't worry about the outcome. You say, "Well, if I do that, he's not going to or she's not going to or..." Don't worry about the outcome. Worry about your obedience to Jesus Christ. Let God take care of rest."

That's a lot harder than it sounds. To lay down your questions, your concerns, your fears. When they're legitimate, when you have reason for them. When you say, "Not only is he not awesome, the dude's a jerk. He's obnoxious. He doesn't deserve it", and you're right.

Remember one thing. I am not asking you to submit to your husband. I would never ask that of you. Your savior, Jesus Christ asked you to submit to your husband.

God gives Grace unto the Humble

The book of James 4:6 Says, "But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble."  

It is the height of arrogance. It is the height of Hubris to say, "God, I realize you wrote that down, but you're wrong in my situation." It is the height of humility to say to God, "Lord, I don't see it. I don't feel like that should be my responsibility. I don't like it. It is not my will. Nevertheless, not my will, but thine be done.”  To humble yourself to God, God will give you grace. Now, I told you in the beginning, this would be hard. This would be arduous, difficult. You have to believe God. You have to say, "Lord, I expect that you'll give me grace to make it through." To obey God in this.

Submit to God

James 4:7 Submit yourselves therefore to God.”  See, you're not submitting yourself to your husband. You're submitting yourself to God, because he asked you to submit to your husband. Do you understand the difference?

You see, if my kids were outside playing. And one of my kids come in and I say, "Hey, Gideon", the youngest. "Go out and tell the others I want them up on the porch right now." Gideon goes out there and he says, "Hey, daddy says come to the porch." They all come to the porch. Not because Gideon ask it. See, Gideon doesn't have any authority to ask that of them. Gideon doesn't have the right to go to his big siblings and say, I want you on the porch. Get on the porch. That's not his right, but if daddy says, get on the porch, it's my right. I expect obedience. I expect it right now. My kids expect me to expect obedience. They're on the porch because I ask it of him, not because he ask it of them. That's the way marriage is. Ladies, god's asking you to submit yourselves to your husband.

Purify your Hearts

James 4:7-8 It says, "Resist the devil and he'll flee from you. Draw nigh to God and he'll draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinner. Purify your hearts, ye double minded."  That's what the church is full of is, double minded Christians who say, "I want God to save me and then get out of my life and leave me alone, because his rules are obnoxious, chauvinistic and they're not my culture. They are old fashioned and petty and I don't want him in my life. I just want him to save me. That's a double minded, obnoxious, not follower of Jesus Christ.

He says, James 4:9 "Be afflicted and mourn and weep and let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to heaviness."  Ladies, if you're leaving your husbands, because your laughter has turned to mourning, Jesus says, "Submit your life to me and let your laughter be turned to mourning. Let your joy become heaviness and obey me."

Humble yourselves and he will lift you up

James 4:10 “Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord and he shall lift you up.”  Guys, this life is short. You are not going to live that long. And when we're done, we're going to go to heaven. When we get there, there's going to be some ladies up there, owning 15 cities. And under those cities there'll be rulers. And under those rulers, there'll be other judges and rulers. And under them is going to be their husband, sweeping the floor. Ladies, this life is short. In one million years, there's going to be a guy up there smiling and whistling, loving the Lord and sweeping the floor, while his wife was his wife. There's no more of that in heaven. We're all the bride, is ruling millions and millions of people. You know why? Not because the guy is getting punished, because she was faithful in what God gave her. Because she was faithful in obedience to God. When she didn't have the ability to see why she was faithful and she believed God.

And God will Exalt you

1 Peter 5:5-6  it says, "Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another and be clothed with humility, for God resisteth the proud and giveth grace to the humble. Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you and due time."   Ladies, there is coming a time that God wants to exalt you for your obedience to him. Let him do it. Be obedient to Jesus. See, God is asking of you that you be obedient to him. And if you will give that to him, he will lift you up. It takes a whole lot of faith to now look at your husband and say, "Yes, I will submit myself to you, because God asked it of me."


Too often, the answers that I see on Facebook are here on the news is that, if I do this, he'll think his behavior is okay. So, in order to control him, I have to take the reins and force him to do what's right. He doesn't love me like God told him to. I need to force him to do that.

The other answer is, he doesn't deserve it. Ladies, I'm going to tell you a secret right now. If you're not married, listen up. If you're married, listen up. I'll tell you a secret. Your husband does not, will not ever deserve your obedience in submission. We are flawed creatures. We submit to Christ and boy, he's good. Man, Jesus is good. Everything he does is good. Everything I do is not good. It isn't. I do not deserve the submission of my wife. Husband, you don't deserve the submission of your wife. If you get it, it ought to humble you. It ought to make you come before God and worship him for having a servant like your wife that's willing to be obedient to God.

Does God deserve your submission in obedience?

Now, let me ask you. Does God deserve your submission in obedience? Does he? Can you look at Jesus Christ and say thank you, but no thank you. Thank you for saving me. I appreciate that part, but no thank you. I don't want to submit myself to you as it relates to my husband and my life. If that's your answer, it's real simple. You're not a follower of Jesus Christ. You don't know him. Get to know him.

I'm not telling you that you're not saved, that's between you and God. I'm telling you, you are not a follower of Jesus Christ and the people that don't follow Jesus Christ aren't born again. You understand the difference. I'm quoting James. James said, "Your faith without works is dead." If you say you walk, you're of the light and you don't walk after the light, you're a liar. That's what I'm saying. You're a liar. Says so in the Book of John. It's not my words.

Stand up for what the scripture teaches

Now, I don't like preaching this. I'm not comfortable with it. It's not my favorite thing to do. I love talking about Christ and what he's done for me and what he can do for you. But I believe that the church is foundering in America, because we are not willing to stand up for what the scripture teaches. We apologize for the word of God. We mealy mouth and we back down. Because when we get into the circle of ideas, we try to explain and teach, that it's somehow reasonable to obey Scripture.

Friends, Noah was unreasonable when he started building a gigantic wooden boat out in the middle of the dry land. That was not a reasonable action. That was the actions of an insane dude. But he believed God and his faith saved his household.

Believe God

Ladies, believe God. Next time it's the men. It will be a little longer on the word side. There's a lot there. I'm Nathan Pearl. Don't tell anybody. You're at The Door. We'll see you next week.

Bible teaching with Michael Pearl.
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